I Just

I feel certain that most of the people who read my blog are my family and friends, but if there are those that aren't, please know I am not perfect.  Someone told me they think I am a joke and nothing this person can say, or any person for that matter, can cut me deeper than that.  It hurt because I try to be so transparent with people so they WON'T think I've got it all together!  Yes, there are many struggles and temptations I face everyday.  Sometimes I fail and sometimes I don't.  There are days I do not feel worthy enough to even open my Bible much less worthy enough to have God love me.  I even think at times I have no business trying to minister to or be a "teacher" if you will to anyone!  But...I just want to know Him.  I just want to love Him.  I just want to serve Him.  I just want to be real.  I just want to help people.  I just want to serve people.  I just want to interact and learn with others.  That truly is my heart's desire.  And I can't wait for the day...well I wanted to say the day my "jail cell" is opened and I can walk into freedom, but as quick as that thought came, this one did too...."your jail cell has been opened.  You ARE free.  The shackles ARE gone.  You are the one who hasn't walked through the opened door. "    God, help me.  I feel paralyzed as I stare out the door to freedom.    I never thought the show "Prison Wives" would ever come in handy but I laugh(and cry) as I think of a parallel here.  An inmate being released said how hard it was to experience freedom, the world we are meant to experience after being locked up for so long. He didn't know what to expect.  He didn't know the joy that awaited him.  Not that he didn't want his freedom, but he feared the freedom.  I can so relate. 

In conclusion, (sounds like a sermon...haha) I'm human like you!  I fail.  But I love God and want to know and love Him deeper than anything else.  With or without a blog.  With or without "followers."  I love Him.  I'm not doing this because of me.  I'm doing this because of Him.  And if He tells me to NEVER write on this blog again...I won't.  I don't want glory.  I don't won't recognition.  It's all about Him.  Love Him.  Serve Him.  And know Him with deep passion.  I truly hope this is your heart's desire to.  I'm here to love and serve GOD....PERIOD

Genesis 15:16

"In the fourth generation, your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure."  Gen. 15:16

The Message Bible puts it like this..."Not until the fourth generation will your descendants return here; sin is still a thriving business among the Amorites."

This morning I did my bible study on the covenant between Jonathan and David.  However, during that study I came across the above scripture.  It may not seem like much to you but for some reason, it really stuck out to me.  I guess I didn't really understand it;  why God would wait until the Amorites had reached the peak of their sin before God would bring them back to enter into their promised land.   My one starred brain was thinking He wanted His children back once sin had really kicked in.  (I'm sure I'd get minus 25 stars for this!  haha  If you are not sure what this means...read my "I'm Not Smarticle" post.)  I asked God to give me insight as to why He did this.  I'm no bible scholar but I did break out the concordance and commentary and still really received no answer.   However, I do feel like it was more about protection.  That although His people were in slavery for 400 years, he was keeping them away from all the evil of the Amorites.  He didn't want His children around such iniquity.  And the worst was yet to come.  Because only GOD can see into the future only he knows the destruction this evil could have caused His people.  Could that be part of the reason some of us have not yet "entered into our promised land?"  I really don't know but I do think this is something to ponder on.  I know what God has called me to do but I also know I haven't arrived there yet.  Maybe He's "protecting me from the 'Amorites'"  Instead of asking why He's waiting so long maybe I should say..."Lord, I trust your timing."  Just sayin'!!!! 

Please please leave me your thoughts on this.  I want this blog to be more like an interactive "bible study" if you will.  I really want to hear your thoughts and comments.

Don't Ask God for Something if You don't Mean It

My ear is killing me.  Why do I tell you that?  Because I prayed it would.  Sounds crazy I know, but it's one of those prayers I didn't think God would REALLY  answer.  I guess it's fair to say I didn't really have much faith!!!  My 4th child, Katherine had an earache for three days and whined and whined about it all day.  I must admit it really got on my nerves.  I didn't believe it actually hurt that bad.  I thought she was being just a little dramatic.  She tends to do that at times.  So...I prayed God would give me an earache so I could empathize with her.  So I could feel what she felt.  I must admit I didn't think God would really answer that prayer.  I mean what are the chances I would get an earache that hurts beyond belief just less than a week later???  I guess the chances are great when the God of the universe is involved.  My ear hurts.  It hurts so bad it is radiating down the back of my throat.  It hurts to touch, it hurts to swallow.  I am almost in tears.  The moral of the story?  God REALLY DOES ANSWER PRAYERS so be careful what you ask for...you just might get it!!!!!!!

I'm Not Smarticle

OK....so, yesterday morning I'm taking my kids to school and somehow we got on the conversation of knowledge.  I made the funny comment that my head is soooo full of knowledge it's going to bust to which my fourteen year old replies...and I quote..."well if your head is gonna bust because of knowledge then daddy's is REALLY REALLY gonna bust."  Ummmm...excuse me????  She said yeah, daddy is smarter than you.  I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.  She continues, I guess trying to make me feel better, with "I mean, he just shows it more."  So now he doesn't just have more knowledge but he ACTS like he has more.  ..So, feeling like my son will completely take my side I tell him and he says..."yeah...daddy is smarter than you."  Where's the love...?  Thinking she is smarter than me, Anna Blake has started adding and subtracting stars every time I say or do something smart/not smart.  In order to reach her  "level of knowledge"  I must "earn" fifty stars.  Presently I think I'm like negative 3.  HAHA  Wheres the love people?  Where's the encouragement?  HA...so all day I laughed at her saying that but noticing how unsmarticle I really am.  But it's all in fun...a memory in the making!!!!  I know I'm really smarter than her daddy!  LOL  well, equal to anyway!!!!!  Hope everyone has a great day!!!!!!! 

Writing on the Wall

I noticed this "writing on my wall" and wondered what God could possibly be trying to tell me.  Let me show you so that if you get some kind of revelation from God, you can let me know......

I'm thinking maybe God is trying to tell me my life is crazy...but I already know that.  Maybe He's saying you are on the borderline of needing to control your anger (it's orange, not quite red) but I'm not borderline...I'm in DESPERATE need of controlling my anger.   Maybe He's saying...I know I don't make sense but trust me...well, that's been a given since I've trusted Him to take control.  I mean....why else would He give me 5 children.    Or PERHAPS He's saying...love your children like I do.  Even when they "misbehave and do what they shouldn't."  Even if they make a mistake YOU have to clean up!!!!!!!!! (and God's cleaned up MANY of my mistakes!!!!!)  Maybe He's saying....you will miss this...savor the moment.  "Let the children come to me....mistakes and all...imperfection, lack of knowledge, hardly a lick of common sense,unclean, but a life I would DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   One trillion times over if that's what it takes.  She/He is mine!!!!!!!  I created them for my glory!!!!!!!! 

Proud Moments

Last night my son was telling us he had to sign the "Constitution of Independence."  After saying it a few times, my 14 year old pipes in and says that there is no "constitution of independence."  So proud of himself because he knew exactly what he was talking about (like he always seems to think) he says emphatically and and without ANY doubt in his "knowledge" ...and I quote..."  oh yes there is and it was signed by John Carter."   ......  my thought....  and you learned THAT at school?  Such proud moments of a mama!!!!  :)

Defeating the Enemy

When I woke up early this morning to do my Bible study I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.  Of course I wasn't getting much out of the Word since my caffeine hadn't kicked in so I decided to try to find some kind of Christian program to watch on TV until I "woke up" enough to read my Bible.  I found Joyce Meyer and began to listen to her.  I know she was speaking on having wisdom (Marilyn, I thought of you and how this confirmed what you said) but not sure of the exact nature.  But one verse and interpretation has stuck with me all morning long.  My Bible has been open to this verse all day and I read it over and over.  I wanted to share with you her thoughts as well as some of my own.

Deuteronomy 7:1-2..."When the LORD your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, AND clears away many nations before you, the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations MORE NUMEROUS AND MIGHTIER than yourselves, and when the LORD your God GIVES THEM OVER TO YOU , and you DEFEAT THEM, then you must devote them to COMPLETE DESTRUCTION.  You shall make NO COVENANT WITH THEM AND SHOW THEM NO MERCY."

wow wow wow....Joyce said that we all have our "ites."  Could be wifeites, husbandites, bossinessites, mercilessites, complainingites, and in my case (which is only one that I mention b/c I do have other "ites") alcoholismites.  OK...I'm not suggesting our wifes and husbands are our enemies, but I do believe there are people out there who think they are.  But no, do not show no mercy to your spouses and do not completely destroy them.  For that matter don't even partially destroy them.  Only love and pray for them.  (I thought I'd better make that clear...HA).   Three things I notice...well two learned from Joyce and one from the Holy Spirit myself....

1.  according to v. 2...God gives them over to us...who is them?  Our enemies.  In other words,  (according to what I see)  when God gives them to us is when we actually realize they are enemies.  For example...when I began to drink wine, I had NO IDEA it was an enemy.   But in time, God "gave it over to me" (and I say that with tears in my eyes) and I realized wine was my enemy.  I thought alcohol was my friend.  It helped me be more patient, funny, outgoing, kind, a better wife, mother, friend.  That's what our enemy wants us to think knowing destruction lies ahead and this is a truth I know all too well.  What is an enemy...someone or something who longs to see us destroyed, made a fool of, made fun of, even to the point of death.

2.  We must "devote them over to complete destruction and have no mercy."  (v.2)  Not partial...but COMPLETE DESTRUCTION...This hit me hard because I always gave it over to partial destruction.   I told my enemy, I will not have anything to do with you except on the weekends, and maybe labor day and 4th of July and Memorial Day and St. Patricks Day...oh and Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Oh my enemy, I will not forget you on Auburn game days and days when I've been hurt oh and days that I'm actually excited.  I think you see where this is going.  It ended up being everyday that I was drinking with excuses (partial destruction).   God says devote them to "COMPLETE DESTRUCTION AND SHOW NO MERCY."  wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

3.  Thank God for His word saying...and WHEN you defeat them  (v.2)  Not if but when you defeat them.  God does not give us an enemy we can't defeat.  They may look like giants and it may look as if we are doomed with defeat but that's not what God's word says.  He will never give us something we can not handle.  With that said, it's up to us to pray, fast, seek through, but God goes before us and our enemies are defeated.  My friends, don't let your "giant" defeat you.  Your enemy may be big, but your God, my God  is bigger.  If God is for me, who can stand against me.  No one love, no one!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't type that hard enough!!  :) 

And please hear me when I say this...If God is showing you (or "handing over") an enemy...do not delay in destroying that enemy.  I waited and waited and made excuse after excuse and now....well now my enemy defeated me in a few battles.  This is not what God wanted.  He wanted me to have complete victory in every battle.  Praise God He never gave up on me and He has restored me and my family, but not without hurt, pain, shame, guilt, and the list goes on.  I don't want this for anyone!  So from the "mountain top" let me shout...devote your enemies NOW to COMPLETE DESTRUCTION!!!!!!

I love everyone of you...I really do.

Question

My daughter told a friend of hers that God loves the devil.  I really have a hard time believing this because the Bible says to hate "abhor" what is evil and in satan there is no light.  He is evil.  Therefore, if God tells us to abhor evil how can He "love" what is indeed nothing but evil?    Someone said because God created him, he can't hate what He created.  That God knew Lucifer would become what he became.  I still disagreed. 

My question is...what is your view on this? 

Deer, My Deer

This is the poem my son made up for school about killing his first deer.  I hope you enjoy as much as we did!

Oh deer my deer you are so dead,
You lay in the back of my dads truck bed.
Oh deer my deer you give me meat,
You give me something good to eat.

You are so young you are so yummy,
You help me fill my big fat tummy.
You help me get the protein of the day,
I eat you then, i will go pray.

You are so pretty eating in the field,
But i need you for my muscles to build.
You are the beast deer i have ever seen,
You are so dirty you make me look clean.

Boredom

Boredom is truly my enemy!!!!   And I have been very bored today.  It causes me to eat, want to drink and to be somewhat in a depressed mood.  Not to mention it's rainy and I don't have any money to do anything...ever!!  So needless to say, I've struggled today.  But with the never having any money ever...not much I can do!  Anyhoo...on the bright side...I have 5 healthy children and still very blessed!!!!   Off now to do what I do best....clean, clean, clean.  WOO HOO!!!!!!   Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!   Gonna keep my mind on higher things.  Gonna turn on some praise music and sing!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish so bad I could feel God's presence everyday all day!  Why is it that sometimes it seems He is "hiding" His face.  I know He's not because the Bible tells me that.  He will never leave me nor forsake me.  But I sure do wish I could "feel" Him all the time.  It sure would make struggles so much easier.  Could it be that during these times our faith may be strengthened?  Believing He's there even when He seems to be no where around?   My amazing God, please strengthen my faith in You.  Help me to believe when failure seems to be all around me.  Help me to know you love me  not because of what I do, but because of who you are.  Your love is so gentle. So kind.  I have never felt this kind of love from anyone.  No one can love like you.  Your love is perfect.  May I please you today.  In word and action.  Search me God!!!  Cleanse me.  Deliver me!!!!!  You are so amazing!!!!!!  I'm listening to "when I get Where I'm Going"  right now.  I can't wait to get there where I will shed these sins and struggles I have carried all these years.  But until I do, God, please keep me close to your heart.  I love you...

Why Do I Do What I Don't Want to Do?

I am constantly doing that "thing" I do not want to do!  Can anyone say AMEN?  I seem to ask myself this everyday.  "WHY GOD?  WHY DO I DO THIS?  YOU KNOW I DON'T WANT TO.  YOU KNOW I WANT TO BE SOLD OUT TO YOU FREE FROM THE CHAINS THAT BIND ME!!!  SO WHY?"  The answer?  Romans 7:15-25 lays it out for us.  Paul says..."I do not understand my own actions. (isn't it good to know Paul struggled with sin but was a great servant of God)  For I do not do what I want.  But I do the very thing that I hate.  v.18b  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out!  (I know this truth all too well)  For I do not do the good I want but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  v.21  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right evil lies close at hand. (battles in the mind)  For I delight in the law of God in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my MIND making me CAPTIVE to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord."    So, the law of sin wages war against the law of God.  And where does this war take place?  In our minds.  That's why God tells us to take every thought captive to Christ.  But if you are like me, this is no easy task.  Not really knowing what this meant, I looked up the word captive in the concordance.  One of it's meanings is "to gain control over."  Again no easy task.  But once we have victory over the war in our minds, I believe it is then freedom will come.  And "he who the Son sets free is free indeed." 
Feel free to comment.  That's what this blog is for...to encourage each other in Christ.