I feel certain that most of the people who read my blog are my family and friends, but if there are those that aren't, please know I am not perfect. Someone told me they think I am a joke and nothing this person can say, or any person for that matter, can cut me deeper than that. It hurt because I try to be so transparent with people so they WON'T think I've got it all together! Yes, there are many struggles and temptations I face everyday. Sometimes I fail and sometimes I don't. There are days I do not feel worthy enough to even open my Bible much less worthy enough to have God love me. I even think at times I have no business trying to minister to or be a "teacher" if you will to anyone! But...I just want to know Him. I just want to love Him. I just want to serve Him. I just want to be real. I just want to help people. I just want to serve people. I just want to interact and learn with others. That truly is my heart's desire. And I can't wait for the day...well I wanted to say the day my "jail cell" is opened and I can walk into freedom, but as quick as that thought came, this one did too...."your jail cell has been opened. You ARE free. The shackles ARE gone. You are the one who hasn't walked through the opened door. " God, help me. I feel paralyzed as I stare out the door to freedom. I never thought the show "Prison Wives" would ever come in handy but I laugh(and cry) as I think of a parallel here. An inmate being released said how hard it was to experience freedom, the world we are meant to experience after being locked up for so long. He didn't know what to expect. He didn't know the joy that awaited him. Not that he didn't want his freedom, but he feared the freedom. I can so relate.
In conclusion, (sounds like a sermon...haha) I'm human like you! I fail. But I love God and want to know and love Him deeper than anything else. With or without a blog. With or without "followers." I love Him. I'm not doing this because of me. I'm doing this because of Him. And if He tells me to NEVER write on this blog again...I won't. I don't want glory. I don't won't recognition. It's all about Him. Love Him. Serve Him. And know Him with deep passion. I truly hope this is your heart's desire to. I'm here to love and serve GOD....PERIOD
Natalie,
ReplyDeleteI love your transparency. I find that many people, women especially, would rather keep up their 'act' rather than have people really know them and their struggles. I too have been trying to be real about my problems, insecurities, and failures. It is not always taken in the right way. But I feel it is important for us to share with each other, so we know we are not alone. So we can help each other learn and grow.
Kerry thank you so much for your encouragement. All I want is to be real. Thanks again for your comment. It made me happy!!! :)
ReplyDeleteHey! You were on my heart today, so I'm praying :) I believe 100% the world needs more transparency, women especially, and dare I say it, southern women, especially! we need to open our hearts, take that risk, and know we will be loved regardless of baggage or strongholds. I think about this often. Thank you for voicing my thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think we are so guarded? When did transparency become a weakness? I'd love to 'fix' this, but I'm not sure how. Any ideas?
ReplyDeleteGirl, I'm gonna need to think on this. I do believe part of it has to do with the amount of pressure society puts on us to be "perfect" in the eyes of others. We fear what they will think if they really knew what we were going through. Or who we "really" are. I think a lot of it roots in fear. Or maybe it's some crazy way to make our selves not "face" who we really are. To make ourselves feel better about ourselves. I know what I want to sayI'm just having a hard time saying it. :) I'm gonna ponder this. But I do believe the only way to fix it is to 1...pray that God raises up people who are real and aren't afraid to show our imperfections so that we can help eachother and 2....be transparent. That's why I am so big on being transparent myself...I don't want anyone to ever feel they can't relate to me because I seem to have it all together...girlfriend, I don't!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna post your question to see if we can get any comments. With your permission of course.? Thanks for the comment...this is what makes blogging fun!!!!!!! Especially when we discuss things that matter. That can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.